G.I. Joe

 

The incredible journey of G.I. Joe began in 1964.

Since then, more than 400 million G.I. Joes have been shipped out to serve our country.  And the world is a safer place for it.

Shakespeare once said, “You shall know a society by its dolls.”  This is still true today.  After all, we could just as easily have developed dolls named Pacifist Pete … or Conscientious Objector Otto … or 4-F Freddy.

But we didn’t.  We chose a soldier, a professional military man, someone who fights for a living.

What does that say about us?

Some might argue that it means that we’re a macho, militaristic nation of warmongers, people who think life should be more like the NFL.

Others might contend that we’re a liberty-loving country, and G.I. Joe is a symbol that a comprehensive military establishment is the price of freedom.

Still others might interpret it as demonstrating the power of advertising.  After all, how else would you get boys to play with dolls?

But no matter what you think of G.I. Joe, you have to admit that there has never been even the hint of a scandal surrounding him – no dishonorable discharges, no AWOLs, no court martials.  Tom Cruise never had to defend him in a court of law against the evil Jack Nicholson.  Say what you will – he’s kept his nose clean.

Oh, sure, there are some of you out there who are always willing to think the worst, who are eager to believe that on some hot summer nights, when everyone in the house was asleep, G.I. Joe snuck into Sis’s room with chocolates and nylons for a late-night tryst with Barbie.  There’s not a shred of evidence that this ever happened.  It’s nothing but cheap innuendos and hearsay, two-bit rumors, yellow journalism used to sell more supermarket tabloids.

But, to tell you the truth, it wouldn’t bother me if the rumors were actually true, and I’ll tell you why.

When G.I. Joe first arrives on the scene, he’s desperately needed.  Morning to night, he’s in demand … and always right smack in the thick of the action.

But as time wears on, he’s called on less and less often, till, finally, he finds himself doing guard duty in the closet or under the bed.  A bitter fate for a proud member of the military.

Soon, he’s forgotten altogether.

It has to get incredibly lonely.

So, if G.I. Joe tries to find a little love and tenderness, who can blame him?  Isn’t that what we all want?

In a perfect world, Barbie would dump that effete beach bum, Ken, and run off with G.I. Joe.  They would be married in a private ceremony in the palatial Idaho home of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

But it’s not a perfect world.

Nothing changes in doll land.  Time stands still.

Barbie will always be dressed for the prom.

Ken will always be just a little too prissy for his own good.

And G.I. Joe will always be out there in the trenches, asking no thanks and getting none, keeping the world safe for democracy.

Godspeed, Joe.